I saw my dad! Andrei (my nephew) has face-timed me after they moved dad home from the hospital. So, yes, he has been released from the hospital and went home.
Before I describe him, I want to tell you all that my dad never had a serious kind of illness or accident. So, for me, this is essentially the first time of seeing him in this condition.
Also, I KNOW he had a stroke so the below description is not to put him down. Rather, to help me process what I saw.
When I saw him, part of me shriveled up inside. He looked different. His face was contorted, his speech is slurred, he appeared under the influence. His left arm was just there as an extra appendage, completely useless.
Most importantly, the expression in his eyes. He always had that mischievous spark in his eyes, and yesterday his eyes looked blank.
I am truly worried about him. Mainly that he is a very active person, still working, building retaining walls and wells (yep), seeing friends, heck, going to the gym. And now. I am worried that now that he cannot use some parts of his body he will take a downturn, especially from a mental point of view.
I am thankful for Andrei. Andrei is my brother’s youngest son. He is the one that has reached out to me when the stroke happened. My family is so messed up, one day I’ll tell that story. But, for now, Andrei has been a person that kind of kept everything under control- visiting dad, coordinating his care, bathing him, changing diapers in the early days of the recovery, bringing him water and food, feeding him. He was also keeping me in the loop about his condition, sending documents, write ups from the hospital.
When I talked to dad yesterday, my mom was there. I could see that the dynamic is not good and silently thanked myself for getting my own place.
If you know Russian culture it’s almost offensive to stay in a hotel if you are visiting family. It’s an insult. (Remember when Kae talked about Ivan’s friends coming to stay with them?) It’s similar. But, I told them and not sure how it was taken. We were on face time so I don’t know how my mom reacted.
Regardless, it’s done. It’s rented and I’m not turning back.
Overall, I plan on arriving to dad’s house in the morning, spending time with him, keeping my mouth shut, smiling and nodding, then going to my rental in the evening. I will probably also do grocery runs, make tea, coffee.
Switching gears because life in NJ still keeps going.
We had a good weekend. On Saturday, I saw my sister-friends to celebrate my dear friend H’ birthday. A very low key get-together, with appetizers, pizza, and lovely company.
On Father Day, T opened some gifts, we went to a diner for breakfast, and spent the day bumming around the house.
I had so much nervous energy (because: the end of the year, upcoming travel, uncertainty in dad’s condition) that I started cleaning the house. I ironed the long-forgotten articles of clothing in the laundry room. I dusted. I vacuumed. I moved things around. I felt very restless.
A loaded question. Have you had to be a caregiver to someone?
I will only be in Russia for 12 days so I can’t really say I am a caregiver, but I wonder how I can take care of my own mental health when dealing with post-stroke patient.
Mom of Children 