Thank you to all who left kind comments in regard to my dad’s stroke. It’s been about a week, and he is still in the hospital. His left hand or left leg are not moving. He gets visits from physical therapist to work his left side. In the mean time, I am figuring things out for my Russia visit.
At the moment I do not have energy for a well thought-out post. I just want to write. In simple sentences.
This whole week ALL I was thinking about was my dad’s stroke, his condition, his stay at the hospital, the care he needs and gets or doesn’t get, the political situation in Russia, the long journey I will undertake. The logistics of that journey.
I was mulling around a bunch of scenarios (worst case, best case) in my head, on repeat.
I went to work. I was there in my body but not in my mind. Or spirit.
I got an international driving permit.
I wallowed in deep feelings of guilt, helplessness, worry, and uncertainty.
I catastrophized.
I looked at airfares every day. Ran through a variety of routes to get to Russia. Compared prices. Inserted different dates. By way of Serbia, or Türkiye, or UAE, or Qatar. Kuwait. Egypt. Kazakhstan. Regardless of the route, it’s still a bloody hike.
I responded to kind messages from friends, colleagues, and fellow bloggers.
I cried.
I called the Russian Federation Consulate in NYC – kids’ visas take three weeks.
I felt sorry for myself.
I decided to NOT take the kids with me this time.
I couldn’t fall asleep.
I couldn’t wake up.
In addition to the above, I proceeded with life here, in central NJ. I took R to jiu jitsu three times. I watched two episodes of the Pitt. I read Nicole Chung’a book. took L to her piano lesson and got some ice cream afterwards. It’s interesting how when something bad happens, the world just keeps turning. But all the time, the tape of “what are you gonna do about dad?” was playing in the back of my brain. It’s interesting how, when something major happens in one’s life, the world just keeps turning.
Sharing some pictures from last week to remind myself of positive things:
Signing off with a “need to do” list:
- Book tickets to NYC-Turkiye (first airline)
- Book tickets to Istanbul -Russia (second airline)
- Book airport hotel in Turkiye (overnight, there and back)
- Book extended stay apartment in Russia
- Get cash (not possible to go to an ATM with an American issued card because- sanctions). Bills must be relatively new and not crumpled.
- TRY to open a Russian bank account with “MIR” banking system (American cards do not work due to sanctions)
- Book rental car (need a Russian bank account for security deposit)
- Pack
- Stay calm
- Go and see dad.
Mom of Children 