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Daria

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21 comments on Saturday Self Doubt

Saturday Self Doubt

Some things on my mind to share with you.

1.Last week R was in camp, and L was with me all week long. That gave us some uninterrupted time together. What did we do?.. Play dough, drawings, watched a show about tiny houses, playgrounds, shopping, napping, gardening, and eating 🙂 I was wonderful to have this time with her but we are sick of each other 😉 Having R is camp gave me feelings of guilt but I think it’s self-inflicted. He seemed just fine.

2. On my cycle now and the last two days were rough, mood-wise. Was feeling very down, in need of validation, seeking confirmation that I am, in fact, still loved, and overall miserable. Catastrophizing and basking in negativity. As I type this on Saturday morning, I am feeling better.

3. Kids’ activities. September is shaping up and feels less nebulous.

We have:

Monday: school for both kids/ nothing

Tuesday: school for both kids, BJJ for R at 3:50pm

Wednesday: school for both kids/nothing

Thursday: school for both, BJJ for R at 3:50pm (optional second time)

Friday: school for both kids/nothing

Saturday: 9-10am gymnastics for both; then 1:45pm piano for L.

Sunday: nothing

In essence, they both have two activities: R has BJJ and gymnastics, and L has gymnastics and piano. Also, I can technically bring R to BJJ once a week, not twice, I have a choice of Tuesdays, Thursdays or both.

I talked to a fellow mom yesterday, whom I adore and respect, and her kids are in after school activities every day of the week… Am I limiting my kids? Am I ruining their lives? Is 3pm to 7pm too long of a time for them to have nothing? But: that family has a nanny that drives kids around and I have… myself. T is traveling for three weeks in September so I will be doing my best.

Also, the cost… Gymnastics is $500 per month, BJJ is $450 for 10 lessons, piano is $180 per month. Oh and let’s not forget aftercare for both kids- $600 per month.

4. MY work days would look like this:

5-7am, wake up, morning routine

7:30 get to work

7:50-3pm at work

3:30-4:30 time at home, just me

4:30-5 pick up kids from after care

5-7pm play, dinner, quality time, bath, books, bed.

7:30 kids in bed

8:30- me in bed 🥱🙃

Rinse and repeat the next day.

I titles this post self doubt since at the moment I am questioning everything 😮‍💨😫🤣 but I know we will settle into our routines soon.

What are YOU doubting at the moment?

Daria's avatar

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Daria

Mother, teacher, partner, friend. I love coffee, books, and travel with and without kids. I dislike exercise. Nothing glamorous here but do have moments of insight.

21 responses to “Saturday Self Doubt”

  1. Nicole MacPherson Avatar
    Nicole MacPherson

    Daria, my kids had hardly any activities. I thought it was good for them to have free time. I think they did an hour of karate twice a week or something like that, and that was pretty much it. I don’t know, I didn’t want to overschedule them. I wanted them to have time to just be, you know? So, if you want my opinion I think your schedule sounds great.

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  2. Nicole MacPherson Avatar
    Nicole MacPherson

    Oh and I should add my kids are functioning adults and very happy people, not that one has anything to do with the other, but just that I didn’t schedule much for them and they turned out just fine. They are well-rounded individuals. So I say do what works for you.

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  3. Michelle G. Avatar
    Michelle G.

    Daria, I’m not a parent, but I’d say you do so much cool stuff for your kids! I mean, you took them to Italy! I think some unscheduled time is a blessing. What am I doubting lately? Ahhh, pretty much everything!

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    1. Daria Avatar
      Daria

      Hugs, Michelle ❤

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  4. Lisa’s Yarns Avatar
    Lisa’s Yarns

    Our kids have a similar amount of activities. Paul starts soccer on 9/4 at the local community rec center. It’s from 6-7 on Mondays and Wednesdays. Taco ideally needs to start bedtime around 7 so it’s tricky when I am traveling (which I am doing 3 times in sept and twice in oct). So I am trying to talk Phil into having a neighbor girl come over to do bedtime when I am traveling. We will see if he does that or not. Besides soccer, the boys also have swimming lessons on Sunday afternoons. Taco does soccer at daycare and they also have a music class that is included in tuition.

    When I was a child, we could each pick one activity. I was 1 of 5 so they did not have the bandwidth to drive us all over the place. And I turned out just fine. I try to introduce the kids to a wide variety of things to see what sticks for them. I don’t know how we could handle things like club sports though. We just don’t have the bandwidth either.

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  5. rachelinwales Avatar
    rachelinwales

    Kids activities are such a thing aren’t they! My kids have had no activities, and I sometimes think they should, but then I’ve decided that after school care counts as an activity so it’s fine. My kids get home around 4:30, we eat at 5:30, and all kids are asleep by 7. I feel like there’s plenty of time when kids are bigger for activities, and right now I really like having family dinner and an asleep house at 7:30. But then someitmes I wonder if I should be driving kids to more things and whether I’m depriving them… I think there’s no right answer. And also, thanks for the cycle honesty. I think I’m in the same place, although everything is thrown off by still nursing and not really having a cycle yet, but I still feel all the crazy hormone feelings and it’s making me full of self dout as well. It’s so hard for me to identify it in myself but when you wrote it out I realized that’s exaclty where my anxiety is stemming from. It doesn’t mean the worries aren’t real… but they are definitely hormonally exacerbated.

    I think you are doing great. I bet your daughter enjoyed the week!

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    1. Daria Avatar
      Daria

      I feel seen LOL Thanks, Rachel.

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  6. Irena Avatar
    Irena

    OMG, the kids activities!!! We were so naive thinking that when the daycare payments are over, our payments would be over :)) I think everybody is doing as many activities as it works for them. We personally settled on activity that requires one week-night and one weekend driving. For example, my boys are doing taekwando on Tue and Saturdays. I won’t be able to drive them on Tue and Thursday as you do, becasue I work/need to make dinner/ need a quiet time at home, etc. Since we have two boys and they started fighting so much, we added swimming on Sundays to the mix.

    Our philosophy changed over the years – we obviously didn’t pay for any activities while the kids were in a daycare. And in the early elementary years i prioritized routines, sleep, and quiet time (for ME and them) and didn’t want to overshedule. But now the kids are 9 & almost 7, so I followed their lead and interests. You do what works for you. I love your work-day routine with the dedicated time for rest in the afternoons! So thoughtful! Sending hugs!

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  7. Sophie Avatar
    Sophie

    I also get a couple of days of mood issues per month- solidarity! I haven’t really scheduled many kids activities much at all to date, only swimming for both (E has tried a couple of other activities but wasn’t so keen). O is in fulltime daycare from 8.30-5 so he definitely doesn’t need anything, id like to add something for E, but she hasn’t been super interested. I think next year (Grade 2) we definitely will add an activity or two for her, but definitely think there’s no need for activities every day. Unstructured free play is very important too for kid development. You do an amazing job with your kids!

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    1. Daria Avatar
      Daria

      Thanks for your perspective, Sophie ❤

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  8. Natka Avatar
    Natka

    Your time with L sounds amazing!!! It is so good to be able to spend 1:1 time with a kid, doing stuff that they like. And I love that she was helping you set up your classroom.

    Kids activities: yes! I can totally relate. There is always a little voice in my head, wondering if I am doing enough or should be doing more… And that’s been the case since the kids were little and is still the same now that the older 2 are in high school. I really should know better by now than to compare myself to other families, but some days it just happens…

    It looks like you have a very good and healthy balance of activities and unstructured free time for your family (I actually really like unstructured free time… and I feel it tends to be undervalued). I think your trips with kids are 100 times more valuable in terms of learning, memory-making, and family bonding than any activity they could do after school. (And you have inspired me to start planning our own trip abroad for next year!) Also, your kids are pretty young – and spending lots of time with parents doing absolutely mundane things (cooking, laundry, weeding, going on nature walks… anything!) absolutely is active learning that they will not get if they are signed up for a gazillion of clubs/sports.

    Current self-doubt: I am not doing enough for my kids to ensure they have the skills, extracurricular activities, and academic opportunities that will help them achieve their goals. (Does that sound familiar? :))

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    1. Daria Avatar
      Daria

      Oh gosh so familiar!! Thanks for the feedback, Natasha. I wonder if our partners are doing the same mental gymnastics as we are… probably not 🙂

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  9. Diane Avatar
    Diane

    Oof – I have to do the activity sign up for our kids and I know it will be a lot. Maybe too much? But when the kids are just at home, the oldest one spend all her time on screens, so giving her lots of activities helps balance that, I think. There were a couple times this summer when she got suuuuuper cranky at home, and refused to go to basketball clinic, but we made her go anyway and she came back and said, “I feel better now. You were right – I needed to get out of the house.” So there’s that.

    The younger two genuinely love their activities, so I don’t mind signing them up. Well, the 7 year old doesn’t like piano, but I think this is one thing I’m being a little Tiger Mom about because it’s important to me. I told him when he gets to 4th Grade he can choose an instrument to play at school, and then we can drop piano lessons, but until then, he needs to keep taking lessons.

    I feel like I’m always churning with self-doubt! Currently, some job things – mostly feeling underutilized, but also realizing I don’t get paid enough to be more invested. Some life things – feeling like I’m not making good choices as to what to do with my time/what to prioritize in my day. I think things will be better once the kids go back to school and I have time to myself again.

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    1. Daria Avatar
      Daria

      I can definitely relate to everything you wrote. I struggle with self doubt with free time, too – should I read or fold laundry? Should I write or watch TV?

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  10. Maya Avatar
    Maya

    Daria, Your kids sound like they have plenty of enrichment activities, plus you have a lovely home they can play in on days they don’t have activities.

    When my kids were young, the rule was they had to pick one cultural activity (music, dance, language, etc) and one physical activity (sport usually) and they did–but mostly they weren’t interested, and dropped them when they got to college/high school.

    I think as parents we want to make sure that they have opportunities, perhaps you can revisit this if they want to do other activities later. With T traveling and the school year starting, you have to be pragmatic, no? You’re doing great, IMO!

    Wishing you a wonderful back-to-school week!

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    1. Daria Avatar
      Daria

      Oh thank you, dear Maya ❤

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  11. San Avatar
    San

    I am sorry you’re having a rough time during your cycle. I don’t think my cycle really every had a big effect on my mood, so I feel for you.

    And wow, I cannot imagine having a kid in activities EVERY DAY! That seems overkill to me.

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  12. J Avatar
    J

    If your kids are the busy kind that want to try a lot of different things, maybe they can try them one at a time? Like swimming this year, guitar next year, etc? My daughter is low key and prefers to be home. She did 2 activities at one time, one being girl scouts that only met once a month or so. That was a good fit for her. My sister’s kids love to be busy, and she enrolled them in so many things, and was always driving them here and there (and working her job as well) and always seemed so frazzled to me.

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    1. Daria Avatar
      Daria

      I think both L and R are kind of low key… We insisted on piano because we want something consistent for L, gymnastics she chose herself. For R, its jiu jitsu (he likes it, we think) and gymnastics, too, to get some energy out. And I think that’s it. But I love the one activity per year- choose one and stick to it.

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  13. Sarah Avatar
    Sarah

    Your kids are too little for stuff every day. Middle school and upper elementary is when that happens. Do not fret. Also, I am home with my kids all the time, and I am definitely NOT their playmate— maybe less stressful if it was more normal for kids to just be at home hanging out?

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    1. Daria Avatar
      Daria

      Right?!?!?!? That’s what I did when I was little. Bored? Find something to do. That was my mom.

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